Monday, January 26, 2015

Lessons...est 2014

I could harp on the fact that 2014 was the worst year in my life. I watched the closest person to my heart fight a valiant fight, deteriorate and lose her battle to cancer. I lost not only my damn mind, my home, some money, a few friends and family members along the way. I was faced with my own pre cancer and other health scares. I wish I could say with the "magic" that a new year brings I'm not still stuck on some of these things, but by right some of the events of last year have forever changed me. However in this moment as I am writing this post I'm choosing to focus on not which I have lost, but that in which I have gained. I've half stepped into 2015 as a woman with her head held high replacing fear of failure with a consistent search of my purpose. I have found my voice and I'm no longer afraid to use. I believe in my strength. Whomever said say hard times doesn't build character it reveals it, wasn't lying. I have become this person, that I am trying to understand and get to know. Sounds crazy right? But often times especially in the last months of 2014 it was like I was having an out of body experience. This strength that I never knew existed in me was released and this WOMAN was birthed. I am no longer the childlike young lady I was in my 20's, it is like I have blossomed and morphed into this supernatural being. Please don't label me a psycho...LOL... I'm trying to figure it out myself. 2014 brought me great joy and even greater pain, but I learned some valuable lessons along the way. 1.) The mind is a powerful thing, use it wisely. 2.) Forgiving is not forgetting 3.) Letting go doesn't mean to let what tried to hurt you or destroy you back into your space. 4.) In hard times real friends are always revealed... when my aunt passed so many friends I had lost contact with or just simply written off were right there supporting me, hugging me, and wiping my tears. I really needed it and appreciate it. 5.) This was the most important lesson of them all. .. We are all mortal beings and our time here is limited, it is our divine duty to make every moment count. We truly only get one chance at this thing called life, there is no dress rehearsal. With all my lessons learned I've decided I will live in the moment, try new things, embrace change, operate in kindness. I will find my authentic self and embrace ME. I will continue to love those that love me and pray for the rest, but most importantly I will leave a mark on this earth so great that my presence here cannot be denied. I'm coming into my own, not yet am I fearless, but I am embracing whatever happens along my journey in 2015.

Outfit Deets
Jeggings: Forever 21+
Turtleneck: Old Navy
Plaid Shirt: H&M
Boots: Torrid

Happy YOU Year!!!

Love & Light,

xo Janai

8 comments:

  1. Absolutely love this post Jan. It reflects so much of what I feel. And it's like everything was a revelation. You are so right, that it is our divine right, and this life is not a dress rehearsal, we only get the one shot. Your outfit combo is bomb ass as well!!! Life is a journey, or pain, love, confusion, self doubt, self discovery and catharsis. And it's perfectly ok to falter, just as long as we get up. There is no strength without struggle after all.

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    1. Thank you Ginny from the Block... Love you... MUAH

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  2. I thank you for being so available, and open about your struggles. I know that year you've had all too well. February will make 4 years that my Dad has been gone and it was a nightmare to watch my only parent I ever knew go from a big strong protecter and provider wither away. You know that saying with time you heal, it's true but sometimes marks are left behind. Those marks change you but often they are a reminder of why keep going higher

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    1. Thank you Uhura for reading and being empathetic... I agree the scars never go away, but they are definitely a reminder. xoxo.

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    1. Thank you Marquita... Wishing you a blessed 2015 as well. xoxo

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  5. Love it! Maybe this year should be called.....positive vibes only!

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