Cinderalla's Night at the Ball

"No matter how you feel today, get up, dress up & show up"- Paulo Coelho

Cinderelly, Cinderelly...Night and day, it's Cinderelly!"Make the fire, fix-a breakfast, wash the dishes,do the mopping..." Ever just have one of those days where everything just seems to fall apart. The story of my life right now. Well I'm learning that things fall apart to come together. My boyfriend/fiancé is kind of a big deal; to me he certainly is, but in his profession as well. He's doing the damn thang. He has a non-profit organization and we always have events to go to. Some days I'm all for playing dress up and putting on makeup because usually his events are the only times I get dressed. But last weekend I wasn't feeling it. A lot has been going on in my personal life and in his professional life as being his significant other I often wear many hats. Last weekend was a big deal I had been the Creative Director for a major project for his organization and the project which was a video was being premiered at one of the biggest events in the LGBT community. For the last week to prepare for this day I was a secretary, an accountant, an outreach person, a stylist and even the day of the event a taxi cab driver. Yes I was and plan to forever be His superwoman!!! Lol. Anyhow the Latex Ball is a major event in the LGBT community and it only comes around once a year. It's a grand event that started in 1989 to get out the HIV prevention message to the house and ballroom community. Its a lot of fun to watch the voguing, the runway, and too see all of the costumes and effects. Plus you never know who you'll run into. Last year I met Tamar Braxton (YES!!! I'm a proud Tamartian).

Soooo... this year was a big deal because our video was being premiered at the ball. However, nothing seemed to go right on premier day. The outfit I was supposed to wear looked like a nightgown, I hadn't gotten much rest from the evening before, my phone was having technical difficulties and I was on a schedule because I had to pick up one of the video participants from the bus station and get him and my boo over to the ball in time for the premier. Now I love NYC but I hate having to navigate around on my own. I needed to find a one stop shop for clothes and Sprint for my phone issues that also had parking. So I headed to Kings Plaza mall. Good idea. Nope not really. I found myself in a sea of unfamiliar territory and a girl like me can get acclimated to any mall, but ummm this one just... I don't know. It was almost like everyone could tell I was a tourist. I started my venture at Forever 21 I usually know exactly what's going to be on the racks and can grab and go, but lately I haven't been doing my normal web browsing so I was over it before it started. I then found myself in Fashion 2 Figure I remember the first time I went to this store was in Kings Plaza mall forever ago when it had just opened. I was a bit apprehensive about going because I always have to try things on and I end up getting more than what I came for. I was on a time limit and I did not have time for MY own SHENINIGANS... LOL.. I scoured through the store shopping off mannequins, that's my new thing. I wasn't certain about what I wanted. I tried two dresses on and I wasn't feeling them. The dresses were hawt but I was already hot, bothered, running behind schedule and having a Monica "Don't Take It Personal" moment. So I was ready to walk out of the store when I looked over at the clearance. Usually I can spend forever going through racks of clothes,  but today I did not have the TIME or patience for it. The clothes gawds felt my energy and heard my silent prayers and voila I found this gem.

 Thank you clothes Jesus. I love this dress, it is light, cool, comfortable, playful, and chic. I was uncertain if any of the accessories I had would match, but heck I had to make it work.

 Bippity-boppity boo...

From my pictures you could never tell the hell I went through. I missed the video premier, played taxi, fell asleep in the car prior to getting dressed, but before the clock struck midnight my Prince Charming and I got dressed, we showed up, and showed out. I got to see some of the festivities didn't meet any celebs this year, but everything came together. My prints mixed well and I looked
 effortlessly flawless.

 Outfit Deets
Dress: Fashion to Figure
Shoes: Payless
Clutch: Stella McCartney
Watch: Micheal Kors

Oh yeah the face beat was by me and we were on the run in the car. #Talent

Until next time.

Love & Light,

Jane xo

NO Paparazzi PLEASE!!!

"An attempt at visualizing the Fourth Dimension: Take a point, stretch it into a line, curl it into a circle,  twist it into a sphere, and punch through the sphere"- Albert Einstein

Sooo its been forever since I have written on here. Life has been different to say the least and I could sulk in what the past few months of my life have been, but I'm choosing to bask in the space that I'm in today. I'm here, I'm healthy and I'm free. One day I'll share what's been keeping me away from my baby (this blog), but today is not that day.

I popped my cherry today. Noooo not that cherry that was many moons ago. Lol. My crop top cherry. I know I'm late sauce, but I was actually scared. When the crop top phenomena hit three or four seasons ago I would look at the skinny girls with envy, (I can admit my hate). Then a few of the brazen bloggers that I followed dared to do the same and I was like oh wow. Not only were they rocking crop tops they were sporting bikinis.  I was still however not convinced that it was for me. I would say "I need to lose an inch" or "They are plus size but they don't have a stomach like mine" all sort of self shaming. So I sat on the side line and watched the crop top evolution. First it was a crop top no skin showing, then it was an itty-bitty sliver of skin showing, first they were loose, then fitted,  now my curvy comrades are rocking all out sport bras... Evolution at its best. FINALLY today was my turn.

I envision all of my outfits before I put them on. Some work out, others not so much. My process is visualize, put it together, then try it on. I woke up this morning and was like today is the day. I put my vision on and voila. It WORKED!!! To set it off I put on some shades which I call my invisible shades so I couldn't see any negativity coming way. Crop top is my new fetch item. Check out my outfit deets below. Stay tuned for more. 💜💜💜

Oversized Shirt: Goodwill
Crop Top: H&M (regular size)
Bottoms: H&M Plus
Bag: PINK
Flip Flops: Old Navy

Fearless Jane

 “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone” ― Pablo Picasso

This blog has been haunting me since I obtained the ip address about 3 months ago. When I say haunting me I mean can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe kind of haunt. What was I going to say? Who was going to read it? Was I going to be judged? Is my voice like everyone else? OMG!!! So the other night as I laid in bed aimlessly looking at the ceiling as I often do, waiting for a miraculous epiphany to come over me or some lighted vision to appear and tell me what to do with my life I begin to think what was the worse thing that could happen. Nobody like me, be ridiculed for my thoughts and beliefs. Heck I felt like that already without doing a thing... LOL... Usually when I'm up on nights like this I paint or color to keep my thoughts from leading me into a hysterical panic attack or to just stop them from roaming into no mans land. So like any other insomniac night I began painting and thinking... I am a woman of a certain age who will be entering a new decade soon and I have cheated not only myself, but the world from seeing the jewel that I am. I have denied my talents and stifled my own self out of FEAR!!! Fear of success, fear of failing, fear of the unknown. Fear has ruled and paralyzed me from being myself. I have shuttered my voice when it could have been influential in something for the fear of not being heard (cray right... how can they not hear you if you don't talk, your not being heard anyways). I have half ass showcased my talents or my passions for fear of them not working out or people not liking me. I started thinking as I painted with beautiful greens and pinks (no I'm not an AKA, but I wanted to be one), how after almost a decade completed I had done nothing wholeheartedly for myself. I have delved all of my energy into others, making their dreams come true, making them realize their niche and passion, but had not even given myself a single chance. Of course I have accomplished some things but nothing compared to what I had given to others. I've worked good jobs, gone on beautiful vacations, completed some college courses, made some lifelong friendships and met the love of my life. All these things I had done with zeal, but when it came to me I was uninspired. I am the woman who walks in a room and doesn't want to be seen.When I hear people laughing and whispering I usually adjust my clothes, go look at my makeup, or freshen my perfume out of fear they are talking about me. I have the no one likes me syndrome and it's me and my own insecurities that have coaxed myself into being this way. I am socially awkward and haven't learned to make that work in my favor. I have been called things from quirky to crazy, but I am ME. All the dreams that I have dared dreamed, I have been told they would never happen, I wasn't good enough, and that isn't what I needed to be doing, so it was easy for me to give up. I have this creative beast inside of me waiting to be unleashed and I have just twiddled my thumbs hoping it would go away. As I sat and painted more I began to think what if I gave myself a chance. What if I took my own self seriously? What if I no longer cared what people thought about me? That my journey here on this earth had everything to do with me and nothing at all to do with them. So I prayed on it as I often do and after painting I began to wind down. I had all these ideas in my head of what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I knew exactly what I was going to write. When I got up this morning prior to writing I came across this YouTube Guru Shameless Maya and I went all the way back to the beginning of her channel like I do with most bloggers that I follow to get encouraged and inspired by how they started. Although her first video was in 2012 it was about being Shameless (an adjective defined as: of a person or their conduct; characterized by or showing a lack of shame. i.e blatant, flagrant, brazen, barefaced, audacious, undisguised, outrageous, etc...) Her simple explanation of being shameless was being fearless. So I thought to myself nix my plans of being irresponsible and partying like its 1999 in the end of this decade in my life, but live these last few months before entering in a new decade shamelessly. Live this last 8 months out loud being and doing me, making my own rules and caring more about self preservation, self love, and making my dreams come true. Think less about the outcome of it all and have fun. Most importantly forget what anyone else thinks of me because how they feel, what they think or say about me is none of my business and has absolutely nothing to do with me. So as I sit and type my palms are sweaty, voice is shaky as I talk-type, but I am doing. I am far from a Plain Jane, but I am a Jane of All Trades determined to live my life through my own eyes and not that of others. Thanks for reading and come along with me for the ride. Until I write again.

Love & Light,

xoxo Jane

 This is the painting I was working on the other night.... My favorite canvas... MY FACE!!!

Thought I was Picasso huh... LOL

xoxo

Jane