Confessions of A Shopping Queen

"Elegance is achieved when all that is superfluous has been discarded and the human being discovers simplicity and concentration: the simpler and more sober the posture, the more beautiful it will be." -Paulo Coelho

As I walked through the aisle my palms were sweaty and clammy. I continued on, this feeling had become second nature when I entered any shopping arena. I clutched on to the cart and perused the shelves. First dresses, then women's world, shoes, handbags, and lastly beauty for the exit. I begin to surf through the dresses. Then I made a mad dash through shoes they never had my size anyways so no harm in looking. Tuh... Today was my lucky day cha ching size 11!!! I was too excited. Last stop handbags, I needed another bag and they had just received stock; the store was overflowing with Betsey. Yes I am obsessed with everything Betsey Johnson creates. Who doesn't love a lady who can do a cartwheel at damn near 80?

Anyways... As I looked at the bags I got a terrible feeling in the pit in my stomach. Honestly the palpitations had been pulsating faster. I thought it was from "shopper's rush" as I called it. But this feeling was weird and different. My mind began to race and the sweat from my palms seemed to now be pouring from my face. I wonder what I looked like? The only thing I could think was please don't let me have a panic attack in this store with my grandmom. Oh lordt!!! Lol... All I could think about was all of the bags at home. The shoppers from Ulta, Ross, Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, H&M, Target and the list went on. Bags of things I had no clue as to what inhabited them. A plethora of items with tags. 

I am a professional shopper. No I am NOT a stylist nor does anyone pay me to shop. As a matter of fact, no one even asks my opinion on what they should be purchasing. I just shop... shop till I drop... and not in a good way. I am not like the "can-can ShopRite sale" shopper either. I don't belong to Groupon or Ebates. I shop whether there is a sale or not. I once was a self-proclaimed fashionista on a budget, but that doesn't even make sense if you buy the skirt in every color because it's on sale. That's really no bargain.

Weird and as corny as it may be. In my minutes of angst I couldn't figure out if the shopping God's had been playing some sort of trick on me and I had lost my desire for the sport. Or was I really having an "AHA" moment. I had been shopping with nothing to wear before the meme was popular. 

I wasn't, well rather I am in no shape, form, or fashion a fashionista. I am simply a woman who loves clothes and doesn't know what to wear. I would like to blame it on my weight gain. In a sense, my body has become unfamiliar territory. The extra pounds I've acquired don't fit my "formula"; ruched dresses, six inch heels, tight pants, flowy tops, and big hair. I know it's a "Big Girl" movement in fashion but I haven't felt fab in it for a while. Many woman have this formula and more power to them, but it is no longer working for me. I had been chasing trend after trend hint to all of the unpacked bags. The pressure to be a brazen BBW (thanks Drake and instagram) has become too heavy for me. Honestly though prior to the weight, which has been gained, lost, gained again, lost 3 more times, and gained some more, I have had an OBSESSION with shopping for years. All the way back as far as I could remember anytime I got money I spent it on clothes, not even food beating the stereotype for a heavier woman. I have starved with a bunch of clothes, shoes, accessories, makeup and fragrances.

I digressed...

Boom!!! Another realization stabbed at me as I stood teary eyed (tears have become second nature to me) staring into space in the middle of Ross I couldn't afford to continue to shop this way. Not just because of my already deflated dwindling bank account, but because I was drained from deceiving my husband. Sneaking clothes into a house is hard. My husband notices everything. I can be using a new hair product and not seeing the jar of stuff he will say "Trying something new in your hair". Like word son!!! Who are you Houdini??? It had just become a task of hiding receipts, accounting for money and making stories for every new item he somehow discovered. It is exhausting. I felt embarrassed for so many reasons. How many got darn pink lipsticks can one person have? I won't tell you how many I have, but my pout will be pink for many seasons to come. SMH

Cliche or Aha!!! In the midst of my "realism" I wanted a profound change to come about. Some euphoric moment to occur. That or either a genie to appear with 3 wishes, in which my first wish would be for a billion dollars. LOL. Unfortunately change doesn't just occur like that. I knew this though, the shopping has to STOP!!! STOP THE SHOPPING INCREASE THE SHILLING!!! Wack I know, but you get the point.

I'm no Beyoncé, I can't buy lace bunny ears that will collect dust in my closet (speaking from experience). I'm no fashion model, nor am I an instagram sensation. I'm just a woman trying to define herself. I don't know what works for me, I don't have a formula and I'm not one of those just wear whatever is in your size girls. I've saturated myself with a conundrum of trends that aren't essential in the development of ME. So I've decided to stick to basics for a bit and try some new things along the way. 

First runner up I called the outfit I am wearing the "Basic Bish"... Blue jeans and white top!!! Oh... and BIG HAIR that is coming from my own scalp!!! Please excuse my pic, I had been asking my darling husband all day to take a flick of me and he got around to it a bit later in the day... Caption the expression on my face!!! HA!

Fit Deets:

Shirt: Charlotte Russe Plus (NEW)

Jeans: Old Navy (OLD)... my favorite jeans

Shoes: Target (NEW) my husband likes them... WIN

Bag: Forever 21 (OLD)

Hope you enjoyed this post!!!

Thanks for reading!!!!


Continue to follow me on this journey!!

Love & Light,

xoxo Jane